This is my goal, my challenge - to finish.
As I count down the days, hours and minutes until I begin the biggest run of my life I can't stop visualizing the run: hoping, wishing and praying I make it to the finish without injury and all along the way willing myself to not stop running. I'm nervous, excited and terrified.
I know in advance I will be unprepared due to my (strategic) lack of training, but my goal isn't to medal or receive any type of award; it's merely to finish the race and achieve something most people will never have the determination to begin. I've always wanted to go above and beyond in my athletic adventures, not to brag to others about, just to prove to myself that anything is possible if I put my mind to achieving it. John Hanc describes the marathon perfectly by stating, "I've learned that finishing a marathon isn't just an athletic achievement. It's a state of mind; a state of mind that says anything is possible." I've always been a risk taker, pushing myself to my limits to prove this exact point - anything is possible if I set my mind to it.
I've read every marathon success story and analyzed every horror story, weighed out my options, and I'm still going for it. Sometimes my competitive nature, and will to win (simply finishing is a win in this case) often speak louder than my voice of reason and common sense - which ironically sounds quite a lot like you, mom! Nonetheless, I've decided to tackle this challenge head on with no regrets.
Which brings me to jumping on the marathon-trend bandwagon. I've decided to dedicate each mile to someone (or something) who when I think of the person or situation it will help motivate me to continue running. I am anticipating to hit 2-3 walls during my run, these people are not in order of importance, they are in order based on the miles that I think I will need them to push me to the next mile.
1. My Dad: He is one of the toughest and most dedicated people I have ever met. He is the one person I know I can count on to cheer me on and push me to fight longer, run faster, and work harder in anything I've set out to accomplish. I still remember when I was seven years old, and he told me that if I want to participate in a sport or activity I have to give it 110%, he wouldn't let me play if I wasn't going to be committed to it, and that sense of commitment to a goal has been instilled in me ever since. I love you dad. Thank you for teaching me the dedication and commitment it will take to complete this marathon. I couldn't ask for a greater dad and best friend.
2. My Mom: My mom is the toughest person I know. She is going to be furious reading this, because she absolutely does not want me to run 10 miles; 26.2 miles may get me grounded in Jamaica :) Nonetheless, this is why she is the toughest person I know. She copes with everything crazy and adventurous that my dad and I throw her way, even if she is not happy about it at the time. (I know I'm responsible for at least one gray hair coming her way!) She is always there for me though, ready to swoop in and save me from any harm that may come. She's my biggest cheerleader, supporter and best friend. I love and appreciate you more than you realize mom - thank you for everything that you do!
3. Riley: Thank you for being there to cuddle up next to me when I'm sore and lick my tears when I doubt myself. You really are my best friend.
4. George Allen: George probably doesn't even remember saying this, but back in January he told me that he had trained for close to 10 marathons. However, he had never actually made it to the starting line due to training injuries. That is what started my thought process on how I could get around that hurdle. I know my knees would never be able to take consecutive 20-mile runs; hence, I skipped the training period and decided to not shoot for a time, rather set my goal to merely finish the run. Mile four, I will think of George, and be thankful to have started the race.
5. Ian Supple: Mile five is when I typically hit my first "warm-up wall". Ian always has pushed the limits in his sports endeavors, and pushed me to do the same. When I had the opportunity to continue racing as a Freshman in high school, Ian was the first person jumping up and down telling me I couldn't turn down that opportunity. I had to just go for it, and see where it took me. I'm so grateful for that, and I know he would tell me to keep digging through this race too.
8. Karlie and Emily: These little girls inspire me to keep trying new things and pushing my limits as they show dedication in their unique sports careers. Karlie is a master ninja and Emily is a gymnastics rock star, I know they would be cheering me on alongside Isaiah, Luke, Leslie, Lisa, Mike, Jayson, Dick and Rene if I lived closer!
9. Jamaican Family Vacation: Mile nine will be spent fantasizing all of the delectable food and pina coladas I am going to consume while in Jamaica! #DontWorryBeHappy
10. Coach Ben and Adam: were the first people in North Carolina to reintroduce me to keeling-over-dripping-sweat-want-to-die workouts. I missed those. They also coached Megan and I to our first half-marathon, which led to my first full. Thank you for refueling my passion for intense workouts. I want to finish mile ten for them.
11. My new FIL, Wayne: I'm sure by mile 11 I will slowly begin to feel the pain of my joints pounding on the pavement. This mile I will think of the time I "helped" you by rolling out your calf muscles. Thanks for being a trooper!
12. My Tough Mudder co-workers: Thank you for the camaraderie and teamwork you showed a few weekends ago. I thoroughly enjoyed running with you, and I will think of the encouragement and support you showed me then as I run mile 12. Two weekends ago, this was the finish to our race. Now, I'm one mile from the halfway point! #BeBOLD #BeerCareer
13. Megan Nagle: Mile 13 is all for you my dear! Thank you for being my athletic partner in crime, and showing me your dedication to working out. I never would have completed last year's half without you, and I will be thinking about you today as I attempt my first full. You inspire me with your dedication to training, and I hope you crush my marathon time when you run in March, because you absolutely deserve to! I love you!
15. Allison and Stephanie: I know I'm not very close with you, but as we've reconnected I enjoy following all of your life adventures. You each motivate me to make the most of every day, and mile 15 is when I will think of this quote from Allison, "Be legendary, challenge yourself, have imagination, be an individual, do the right thing, believe in your vision, find your own magic, have character, make a real difference, believe you can do anything and you will."
16. Kelly, Shawn, Megan, & Katie: By this point, I only have ten miles left, but they will be the toughest ten. I will be jamming out to Spice Girls, NSYNC, Backstreet Boys and other 90's hits to get me through mile sixteen, hopefully you will all sing with me wherever in the world you may be! #SpiceUpYourLife
17. Landan: There are just nine miles to go, I know that you would be right there cheering me on if you could be. Thank you for being like a brother to me, I can't wait to come home and play tennis with you soon - wish me luck in my next nine. Love you!
18. Nick and Mikala: Last year, on our way back from lunch we saw a 13.2 sticker on the back of a car. You probably didn't remember that I had just completed my first half five days prior, but Nick made a comment saying, "13.2 isn't an accomplishment, they should have just run the whole thing". This stuck with me, and next week when I'm stuck on mile 18 I am going to remember that and push myself to run the whole thing - or at least get to mile 19! Thank you for fueling my competitive spirit, and helping me achieve this goal. I'm excited to have you both as new brothers and sisters.
19. My Tibs: "It's the art of never being satisfied". You girls mean the world to me. I don't talk with any of you much anymore, but during our six years together you were my sisters. We lived and breathed soccer, and the camaraderie we had was unbelievable. I still remember feeling like we were going to throw up running hills to prepare for Hawaii, and the pain we endured losing a coach. You stuck by my side when I tore my ACL, and when we finally came back as a team from all of our ups and downs to win a national title I couldn't have hoped for a better group of girls to celebrate with. I love you all and will think of our neighborhood "warm up" runs to get me to mile 20.
20. My Grandma: Grandma, you are my greatest friend and confidante. You've always been one of my biggest supporters, choosing to spend your Saturdays and Sundays sitting in any type of weather to watch me play soccer or race cars. I am so grateful to have you in my life. This one is for you. Next week when I am hitting my wall at mile 20 I will think of how competitive we are at our board games and run this mile to beat you and Claire in Boggle :) I love you more than you can imagine. Most sincerely, your FAVORITE granddaughter ... Caitlin!
21. Emma Winn: HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY EMMA! Mile 21 is just for you! I love you so much and I can't wait to celebrate in NYC with you! Good luck at club nationals this weekend - you're going to dominate! I'm so lucky to have you as my new cousin. You've gone above and beyond to welcome me into your family. I can't wait to share all of our upcoming milestones together :) (Also, Emma, you are such a natural runner. I'm sure that you would already have finished and earned a medal by the time I'm on mile 21! I'm hoping to channel some of your speed and strength to finish the final five miles - fingers crossed for me.) #21YearsOfEmma
23. Elycia, Claire and Alec: Mile 23 is going to hurt. Hopefully my knees are still holding strong, and my muscles aren't cramping. Either way, this one is for the three of you. You each have such different personalities, and fun outlooks on life. I love all of you and would give up anything for each of you. I've always tried to set my standards to be role models for you and have aspired to be someone you could look up to. I am on the home stretch and I want to finish to show you that anything is possible with hard work and dedication. I love you all. I can't wait to see what great things you all accomplish in your lives. Thank you for pushing me to be a better person.
24. Katie Kessen: Katie Kessen - by now I'm sure you are sick of getting the text message updates I signed you up to receive in case I die in the middle of the course (Hopefully that hasn't happened, I'm going to remain optimistic)! Thank you for being an amazing best friend who always supports any crazy idea or event I want to take part in! I am so grateful to have you as my NC family, and couldn't handle being out here alone without you. Can we get peach cobbler and pig macs after this?! #BestFriends
25. Ryan Barry: I'm so absolutely lucky to have you as my husband. You are my best friend, partner in crime, and motivator. It never ceases to amaze me how much fun we can have together doing everything and nothing. I know this wasn't your favorite thing for me to set out to do, my mom will like to hear that, but I appreciate your support and I appreciate you actively listening to me talk about race strategy for the past three weeks. My life has changed in so many ways since I've met you, all for the better. Mile 25 is all for you, one of the hardest workers I know.
26. My Mom, Dad and Ryan: Mile 26 I will be thinking of you. Thank you for supporting me in my goals, and sacrificing your desires and preferences so that I can have mine. I will love you and appreciate each of you all the days of my life, thank you. Finish line, here I come!
26.2. - This is for me. I'm finally here.
"I don't think about the miles that are coming down the road, I don't think about the mile I'm on right now, I don't think about the miles I've already covered. I think about what I'm doing right now, just being lost in the moment." - Ryan Hall
I've been so blessed to have each of you stand by me through this past year, as well as in years past. If you are still reading this novel of a post, you know how much you mean to me, and how thankful I am to have you in my life. But, at the end, this race is for me. I'm not trying to prove anything to the world, or set a record. I'm going to be a part of it, experience a new adventure in life, and get lost in the moment. I've never been good at sitting on the sidelines. I enjoy the adrenaline rush of life, and I can't wait to feel that rush and enjoy that sweet moment of success when I cross the finish line.
See you at the finish line!
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