On Laughing:

"A day without laughter is a day wasted." - Charlie Chaplin

My favorite thing in the whole world is to laugh.

The joy of laughing is by far the best gift my parents have ever given me. I can't remember a day spent with my parents when there wasn't at least one hysterical outburst of laughter. At one point my mom and I were laughing so hard that air started coming out of her eyes and we almost had to pull over on the freeway because we just couldn't stop laughing. And of course the best "sleepovers" I remember were when my parents and I were all cooped up in our motor home and we would fall asleep talking and laughing with each other. There is absolutely nothing better!

I don't get to laugh with my parents nearly as often as I used to because of the 1,600 miles between us, but I am blessed to have found a best friend who also makes me laugh. Ryan always knows just what to say to make me laugh hysterically.

That's what I want to pass down to my future kiddos - laughter. It's one of the simplest things in the world, but it has made me such a happy individual.

Pumpkin Carving 2012

On Rejection, Closure, and New Chapters:

"I think that you have to believe in your destiny; that you will succeed, you will meet a lot of rejection and it is not always a straight path, there will be detours - so enjoy the view". - Michael York

This week I hit rock bottom. Rejection is something that I've been faced with a lot throughout my motorsports/professional career. It comes with the territory. I've developed a tough skin when it's necessary to hide the hurt, but it still eats at me privately. I'm extremely competitive and that doesn't help. The worst kind of rejection is when you want something more than anything, your hopes are up, and it's taken out from under you. This is my position today.

K&N East Championship race with Ryan Truex

Two years ago to this month, I was in an eerily similar position that I am in today. Michael Waltrip Racing was my dream job. I put my heart into the company with the hopes that if I worked hard enough they would want to have me on their full-time team. The people there are like family to me, I loved it. However, I realized this is the second time that they have allowed me to get my hopes up only to crush me later on. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. The first time their marketing director led me to believe I would be promoted to marketing coordinator - only to then hire a different intern instead. Now, they led me to believe I may have a spot in the marketing department - only to hire three different people. And again, I was crushed to the point of tears and self doubt.

Knowing when to finally take a look back, thank those people for their rejection and look to the future is the point when you can finally find happiness again. I want that. I know I am still holding feelings of failure towards myself. I also know that I need to move forward and find my new dream. MWR was an amazing experience where I met lifelong friends and had once-in-a-lifetime adventures that I will never forget. I have to be grateful for that.

I'm also lucky to have such an amazing support system. Much luckier than most people in my position. My parents will always listen to me and push me to succeed in any goal I choose. But today, I'm blessed to have such an amazing boyfriend.

Last night when I started sobbing Ryan was there to hug me, and then this afternoon when I finally could control my emotions he was there to offer his advice. His "been there, done that" attitude showed me that there is a greater plan for my life. I need to stop seeking approval from others, and find happiness for myself. If I don't like a job, don't apply. I'm in the best position because I can do anything. I have a completely clean slate, financial security and I can pursue any career that I want. Sometimes you have to be grateful for unanswered prayers, and live the life you have to the fullest.

I'm going to take on the world one day at a time. I want to do one thing everyday that I love, one thing that scares me, and eventually my world will take a new twist. I just need to slow down and enjoy the moments I've been given. Ryan said to treat this as an adventure, make my own rules and enjoy life. I can have a high-ranking important job, but will that really make me happy? Probably not. I need something that I genuinely enjoy. My mom didn't start her career until she was 35 and now she has an awesome job. I got this.

Ryan - thank you for being the most understanding, amazing best friend I could ever have. I love you more.

Trevor Bayne and I at Old Navy in Dover, Del.

Ty Norris, Stacie and I in Dover.

Cardinals Game with Drew and Stacie in St. Louis.

My desk at MWR in Cornelius.

Fan Fest local media 2010

Boarding the plane back to Statesville.

Chicago Victory Party that I helped plan in 2010.

Fan Fest 2010

Stacie playing with her birthday present 2011.

MWR Girls Trip to Charleston, SC.

Extreme Makeover Home Edition Project I managed.

Driving the No. 56 NSCS car in the pit crew challenge.

The boys pushing my car.

I was able to work with Travis Pastrana on his NASCAR debut.

My MWR birthday cupcake that the receptionists put my name on.

Moderating a fan chat with Travis Pastrana for Pastranathon.

On: The Ordinary

“If your life's at a juncture and you need to think about things, there's nowhere better than home. However old you are.” 
― Sophie Kinsella, Twenties Girl

Today I had to drop my mom off at the airport after spending two full weeks having her visit our new home. It was harder than the day I left for college. Why? Because I finally realized that unless she moves here I will never get to spend ordinary time with her again.

I always thought that moving home to New Mexico meant that I would have failed. I wouldn't have an exciting career or an extraordinary life because I would be just like everyone else who never moved away from home. I wanted to be better than that - I wanted to conquer the world.

Yet, now I look back and realize I'm not completely happy without my family. I'm missing out on important family events. Last week my Grandma turned 80 years old, and I wasn't able to be there to celebrate. I want to be able to go shopping with my mom on weekends or just watch TV with my dad.

Life isn't just the outrageous and courageous moments we need to strive for, I want to be ordinary. And, don't get me wrong I love building my little family in North Carolina, Ryan and Riley are amazing and I want to be with them forever, but I want to laugh with my parents while we're grocery shopping and play boggle with my Grandma. I miss home. I miss my family.

Now, I just need to figure out my next move. I need to take my frustration and come up with a productive solution. Enough tears, more action. Today is my first step to finding my happy ordinary life. I just want to be happy. Here goes nothing.

My mom and I - October 5, 2012 in Uptown Charlotte