On Rejection, Closure, and New Chapters:

"I think that you have to believe in your destiny; that you will succeed, you will meet a lot of rejection and it is not always a straight path, there will be detours - so enjoy the view". - Michael York

This week I hit rock bottom. Rejection is something that I've been faced with a lot throughout my motorsports/professional career. It comes with the territory. I've developed a tough skin when it's necessary to hide the hurt, but it still eats at me privately. I'm extremely competitive and that doesn't help. The worst kind of rejection is when you want something more than anything, your hopes are up, and it's taken out from under you. This is my position today.

K&N East Championship race with Ryan Truex

Two years ago to this month, I was in an eerily similar position that I am in today. Michael Waltrip Racing was my dream job. I put my heart into the company with the hopes that if I worked hard enough they would want to have me on their full-time team. The people there are like family to me, I loved it. However, I realized this is the second time that they have allowed me to get my hopes up only to crush me later on. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. The first time their marketing director led me to believe I would be promoted to marketing coordinator - only to then hire a different intern instead. Now, they led me to believe I may have a spot in the marketing department - only to hire three different people. And again, I was crushed to the point of tears and self doubt.

Knowing when to finally take a look back, thank those people for their rejection and look to the future is the point when you can finally find happiness again. I want that. I know I am still holding feelings of failure towards myself. I also know that I need to move forward and find my new dream. MWR was an amazing experience where I met lifelong friends and had once-in-a-lifetime adventures that I will never forget. I have to be grateful for that.

I'm also lucky to have such an amazing support system. Much luckier than most people in my position. My parents will always listen to me and push me to succeed in any goal I choose. But today, I'm blessed to have such an amazing boyfriend.

Last night when I started sobbing Ryan was there to hug me, and then this afternoon when I finally could control my emotions he was there to offer his advice. His "been there, done that" attitude showed me that there is a greater plan for my life. I need to stop seeking approval from others, and find happiness for myself. If I don't like a job, don't apply. I'm in the best position because I can do anything. I have a completely clean slate, financial security and I can pursue any career that I want. Sometimes you have to be grateful for unanswered prayers, and live the life you have to the fullest.

I'm going to take on the world one day at a time. I want to do one thing everyday that I love, one thing that scares me, and eventually my world will take a new twist. I just need to slow down and enjoy the moments I've been given. Ryan said to treat this as an adventure, make my own rules and enjoy life. I can have a high-ranking important job, but will that really make me happy? Probably not. I need something that I genuinely enjoy. My mom didn't start her career until she was 35 and now she has an awesome job. I got this.

Ryan - thank you for being the most understanding, amazing best friend I could ever have. I love you more.